The Birth of a BESST friend...a tribute

What is a Bestfriend? Let me see if I can gather a definition.

Ahh here we are:

Noun

best friend (plural best friends)
1.An especially close and trusted friend

Seriously? Is that the best we can do? I totally understand when it comes to the dictionary, it has to be short and make the point clear but I'd say this is rather vague. Maybe it's just my idea of friendship to begin with because I don't know about you but I trust all my friends. I don't tend to hang with those who are untrustworthy. Let me show you MY definition of "best friend".

I am especially close with quite a few gals. But there is a one. The one.
Tried, tested, true. Years and years of ups, downs and all arounds. Like a chicken on a junebug, you can't shake 'em off!!

But I have this ONE. With all the friendships I've had throughout the 27 years I've been on this planet never did I think I'd be gifted a friendship such as this. It was something I'd only heard about, dreamed of. Yet meanwhile over the years I've been stabbed in the back, gossiped about, lied to, trampled on and plain ole left in the dust. It happens. Those are fleeting friendships. The ones that teach us what best-friendship ISN'T.


Ain't she Purty??

Only SHE could've taught me what bestfriendship IS. It does exist. And God brought us together. It all started with a dog. I can get into that later but I want to discuss my life now having had a BESSt Friend. It is the person whom I am certain God placed in a different family because He knew one set of parents couldn't handle us both!! I don't think either of us thought when we met that our bond would've ever blossomed into what it is today. If I don't hear her voice, after a few days I get cranky and really just homesick. I go through withdrawals sometimes. I really do.


Winter 2005

She has been there, everywhere I have been. From Chicago to Alabama and anywhere in between. Her time, money and energy have been lovingly invested in me. ME. Not because I have anything I can give her, but just because I'm me. She was with me before the pain, with me in the long journey to discover what it was and supported me every step. Coached me into taking care of myself no matter what that meant. So what if I had to quit working full time? Another doctor? Suck it up and go get looked at! She remembers (probably vaguely now, what the pain free me was like)

She was there for me through a difficult time (luckily short) in my marriage. Rejoiced when everything healed and we moved happily along. From Chicago, her house was always the halfway and resting point on the way to my family in North Carolina. I always had a place to stay. Whether it be 6 hours or 6 days. Didn't matter. Her home is my home, she's always made me feel that way and for some reason I've always felt THAT way. (you know how sometimes no matter how laid back a host is you still feel like a guest?) Nope, not there. I cook there, clean there. I've never felt more like I belong. (With anyone besides my blood family) Hell I've even rearranged some things and helped her decorate a nursery.

That's the next thing. Wow. I don't want to go into stories because this is about the definition of a best friend. But this is important. It's part of the core.

I had been trying SO hard for a baby for over a year...She couldn't understand the longing because she herself didn't have it at that time and didn't know when and if she would. Then she got pregnant. By surprise. I'm not sure if she was nervous or apprehensive about telling me. She gave me a little runaround hint that she needed me to be available around the beginning of November (2007). To visit them. 3 of them. (the wheels were turning but I was coming up dry) Then she said it. And I froze up inside. Totally numb. I didn't know what to say or do. I was in denial and thought she was joking. Nope this was for real. I wanted to crawl under the table. I felt SO guilty because I loved her but the first thing my heart felt was sadness, emptiness and anger. "Why her? She wasn't even planning on having children at least not anytime soon!!" I hugged her and totally faked the Oh how exciting! deal, found a reason to go to "my" room. Put my face in the pillow and cried. I was crying for two reasons, I was genuinely guilty about the first reason for my crying, I was bitter, it wasn't fair. How and why could I not be truly happy for her even though I'm hurting so bad? After a few days I sat down and talked to her about how I was feeling. I expected her to be disappointed in me and upset. (understandably so) But she wasn't.

She didn't judge me one iota. It was then on I knew I'd be able to go to her with ANYTHING. She was unsure about how she felt about becoming a mom when she found out and she admitted she couldn't imagine the heartache it must be causing me. Whoa. She made me a big part of her pregnancy and also somehow knew when to lay off a little about the baby stuff (mainly when I'd had another let down ie a negative pregnancy test) I was eventually truly excited for her pending adventure and helped her prepare for the little guys arrival. And I was there for his arrival!
She gave the offer to carry my dream for me if I couldn't, and she'd make it come true. That was the most selfless and loving gift I'll never need to receive. But it's treasured deeply.


Winter 2010

Okay so enough with the stories, we have too many. Back to what this friendship is like. She can push me up a mountain and talk me down off a cliff. Call me out on my bullshit and slap some sense into me. And I know she means the best for me. I have as many letters filled with loving words from her as I do from my husband. Actually we've been together as long as I've been married!! (We really started the ball rolling on being friends a week after my wedding) So I celebrate 2 Anniversaries in September!

She gets my humor, understands my scatterbraindedness (like the spelling? ha!). We were raised differently but have the same core values. Even though we are very different, we are very much alike. We bask in each others uniqueness. We both believe even though we know each other so well, we'll ALWAYS have something new to learn from one another. She is the strength to my weakness. Much the way Adam is, just at a different capacity. Men can't understand everything about us after all.

She trusts me with her very life and the lives of her children. I'd trust her with mine. I have a key to her house. Even though she'll deny it, she's unintentionally waiting for the elderly man that owns the property next door and across the street to pass on so she can swipe it up for a place to build me a house. OR she's scheming a way to acquire the 30 acres behind her house so we can start our own compound!! LOL

I have held her in my arms on the cold kitchen floor as she sobbed and tears ran down my blouse. She has listened to me cry over the phone for an hour about how I didn't think I could live with Fibromyalgia anymore. AFTER I was done, she gave me back all the reasons I could. We developed a trust in each other with our vulnerability.

She was there along with my family for the unexpected emergency of the premature birth of my daughter. And held my hand and helped pick up the pieces through the trauma that followed for months afterward. She gives me hope, joy and about 700 reasons to laugh. Whether with her or AT her. She doesn't mind.

When she is around I feel like my world is complete. Hugging her is like getting a grasp of part of my soul that just occupies another body. Sometimes we complete each other's thoughts. It's so hard to explain, but it's all too easy with her. And when it's rough, it's fine because one of us seems to stay afloat long enough to pull the other to shore. She will bow up, throw down, kick ass and take names on my behalf. And do it with a smile on her face. Together we will conquer the world. Hopefully leave it better than when we came in. I can't wait to be gray haired with her and reminiscing over years of memories, Lessons learned and drinking Sun Tea on the porch watching our grandchildren play together. I vow to always be there for her. She is my rock and I know in my heart SHE'LL always be there. Whatever it takes.

We have become family. Somehow, 7 years, 6 dogs, 3 moves, 3 kids later...we are a family. Even with an ocean in between.



She knows I will make mistakes and witness hers. She inspires me. She's my Hero. I want to be like her when I grow up. We have had to face some pretty tough things in our lives over the last 7 years. The winds have blown us in many directions and tried to blow us down. We have proved we can weather the storms. I can't speak for her but I know my foundation couldn't stand without hers.

God doesn't give me anything I can't handle. That's why He didn't give me a life without her. I couldn't handle that.

I have SO many people to thank for this lifetime gift. God, her mother, my mother, the Army, a little dog named Ivan. But above all I have to thank her. For being my friend. Opening her heart and letting me in. All in.




I love you BESS, my BESSt friend.... Thank you.